River (sonarvampress) wrote,

LJ idol week 2- The Missing Stair

Daniel and I had met at random. He knew a friend of mine and happened to run into that friend one day when I was tagging along. We hit it off right from the start. He was, and still is one of the smartest men I'd ever met. It helped that he was also an extremely talented artist. I developed a little crush on him almost right away. We began a routine of talking on the phone nearly every night for hours at a time. I'd never connected with anyone the way I did with him. It wasn't this intense burning connection. It was more like a calm comfort. I was sure this was the guy I belonged with. It took a few more months, and a simple joke for us to actually become a couple. We joked that it sucked to be single so we should just date just so we could say we were seeing someone. We decided since it wasn't like we were a real couple that we could see other people.We were a real couple though. He treated me better than any man I've ever met. He told me I was beautiful daily. He adored me, and I adored him. We'd spend hours snuggling and talking. Sometimes I'd look out to find the sun had started to rise, but I didn't care. I lived for spending time with this man. He was perfect. We were the perfect couple.

There came a point when we both acted on are open relationship agreement. He'd gone out with a girl one night, and slept with her. He told me right away. I really didn't care that much. We'd agreed on it after all. We'd never really changed those rules. A month or so later, an ex of mine came to town. He asked if I wanted to get together. I knew right away what he meant and sure enough, a few hours later I found myself laying naked in his hotel room bed watching cat woman over his shoulder as I had the worst sex of my life. I couldn't help but think that it was such a waste to have had bad sex when I had an awesome boyfriend. The next day when we got together I let Daniel know what had happened. He laughed at the details of the bad sex, and shrugged it off. It's funny, but it was that point, not the point where he'd slept with another girl that made it clear to me we weren't going to work out. He didn't care who I had sex with. I didn't care who I had sex with either. I didn't even care if I got to have sex with him, it was just something we did occasionally when we ran out of things to talk about.

Daniel and I dated for several months after that. I knew it would never last, but I kept holding on. We were perfect in every other way. In the eleven months that we dated I don't recall ever having a major argument. I don't recall ever even being mad at him. He made me laugh. He made me feel good about myself. He intrigued me, and educated me. He was amazing. I just could never shake the feeling that something was missing. To this day I don't know if he felt it too or if there was some other reason behind it, but he ended our relationship. It wasn't dramatic, just a simple explanation that it wasn't working out for him. I agreed, and then the next day we were back to being best friends. Nothing really changed for us after that except there wasn't much sex, or cuddling. Eventually I met my husband and Daniel and I stopped talking as often. I guess it became awkward because once I fell in love with Zack that meant things with Daniel were over for good. It's been years now since I've spoken more than a couple of words to him. I miss his friendship dearly. I can't help but wonder if what we had really was the ideal relationship. I wonder if maybe the only thing missing was that we were too perfect. I love my husband more than anything. I know I'm meant to be with him, not Daniel. It's just that I know what's missing with my husband, it's then intense conversations. It's the friendship. Maybe the fact is that there's always going to be something missing in every relationship and we just have to decide what we are willing to give up.
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